Posted in Uncategorized on March 12, 2018 by enybodyhome

Pasrah dan berserah diri

Mudah sekali mengatakan, tapi menjalankan tidak pernah semudah mengatakan

Saat bimbang, kalut dan ketakutan, sebenarnya tidak ada jalan yang lebih baik selain pasrah dan berserah diri

Pasrah atas apapun yang akan terjadi

Buruk, baik, cuma pasrah yang bisa dilakukan

Berserah diri atas apapun yang ditentukan nanti

Karena whats meant to be, will meant to be – ini tidak pernah salah

Whats yours will be yours



Tapi sekali lagi

Pasrah dan berserah diri, tidak akan pernah bisa mudah


Specially when we want something so bad


This too shall pass

Posted in Uncategorized on December 31, 2017 by enybodyhome

New year

So finally here we are
Tiba di akhir 2017. Tahun paling cepat dan ga berasa yang pernah gue alami
Probably because most of the times ive been having fun. You know what they say, time goes by so fast when you are having fun.

As usual, tradisi dr tahun tahun sebelumnya, gue buat list hal2 yang perlu gue sukurin taun ini. Again, bukan buat nyombong, tapi supaya gue ingat untuk bersyukur dan ingat kebesaran Tuhan. Supaya gue ga kerjanya ngeluh melulu as if hidup gue ga pernah happy

Okay, so here are the list

1. Nayla lolop. Alhamdulillah ya allah mereka sehat selalu. Meski lolop agak kurusan karena mungkin masi adaptasi sama sistim SD nya, but overall she is healthy. Mereka juga sudah sangat mengerti dengan konsep parenting mak bapaknya. And no more drama about that. Gue sungguh2 bersukur punya dua malaikat seperti mereka

2. Pertengahn tahun sempet ada prahara nyokap jatoh dan patah tangan. Alhamdulillah kali ini gada drama soal rumah sakit tempat nyokap dirawat. Dan alhamdulillah juga tangannya udah normal sekarang. Bokap? Gw ga ngunjungin dia tahun ini. Mudah2an taun depan bisa, amiin. I miss him so much juga

3. Kerjaan just so so. Learning to accept things the way they are. Gue mulai berusaha ngurangin ngeluh, karena hei this is where i work and get money for my family

4. Oh man kuliah. Been totally down this year. Gada smangat sama skali. Nilai pun sliding down. Oh well gapapa lah. Strngah taun lagi, setengah taun lagi thats what ive been chanting to my self

5. Lingkaran pertemanan smakin mengecil. I dont talk to many people anymore. Noone is left anyone. It just stops. I dont respond texts, or ajakan hang out anymore. why? as i always say, temen itu seleksi alam. Whats good and meant to be, will stay. Whats not, will be gone. Itu aja sih

6. I found the man. The one. And probably the last one. Why? Coz he is so perfect that after him, if he and i are over,i will not be in any relationship with anyone anymore

7. diberikan kesehatan dan umur oleh Tuhan, semoga masi akan slalu diberikan keduanya until upcoming years, beserta berkah lainnya yang tak bisa gue hitung

Well thats 2017. Diakhiri dengan selamat. Time to face 2018. I have a feeling it wont be easy year for me. Thats alright. Insya allah gue bisa hadapin

Ive been stabbed, pushed to the ground, crushed, stomped, spit on and screwed over, and here i am still livin my life. Gada alasan gue ga bisa menghadapi cobaan cobaan selanjutnya.








Posted in Uncategorized on May 10, 2017 by enybodyhome

today is mighty tiring

left home at 5am to finally celebrate the event that my friends and i have prepared since March, while only had 3 hours of sleep at the nite before, and still wit heavy feeling from the news i got yesterday, and the eerie news i got today

the event was a blast, all the participants were happy, and most importantly, we managed to make all the people got closer than before, those who dont know were getting to know each other, and the strange faces have become the friendly faces. The ice is breaking, and it is nice. 

As soon as the event was over, i left the venue to the office, took a bath, and prepared for another activity. College.

 Kalo ga inget harus presentasi dan kumpulin tugas, pengen bolos rasanya. Mata sepet, badan sakit akibat angkat-angkat barang, dan lari sana – sini, jahitan sakit, perut rasa mau ambrol, dan kepala kaya mau pecah rasanya. Tapi kewajiban ya kewajiban. Kudu dipenuhi.

So here i am, duduk mojok di ruang kelas saat break, selesai presentasi. Pengen tidur takut bablas, ga mau tidur tapi fisik beneran ambruk.

at times like this. i need him. so much. The him that have painted my life more colorful. The him that always makes me laugh. The him that i adore so much.

but he turns ice cold.

i made him that way.

so here i am. cryin. 

in the corner

and dont know what to do.


Posted in Uncategorized on April 19, 2017 by enybodyhome

I thought my heart has been broken severedly that the system wouldnt be functioned properly anymore

I thought my heart couldnt beat the way it should be anymore

I thought i was a heartless bastard

But just now

Just this moment

I feel pain here inside my chest

It goes like a something has been pulled from my chest through my throath, in repeating mode

It goes like a small knife pushes his way in to the chest

And it feels funny yet painfull everytime i breathe

So i guess i do have a heart and it is functioned well afterall..


Posted in Uncategorized on April 13, 2017 by enybodyhome

There i saw him..

Walked right pass me

Sharp. Strong. Firm. And fast. Didnt bother to look 

I felt my heart beats faster. Unrecognizable

There i met him

Walked pass by me. 

That glimpse of light from his eyes

Captured my heart. 

The knees fell weak everytime i saw them

There he shooked my hand

Raspy voice. Wide smile. 


I couldnt get that smile out of my head

There we touched

The deep wet kiss

The soft and strong hug

The comforting smell

I want to stay there forever

Aren’t we all

Posted in little note for today, My Precious one on March 13, 2017 by enybodyhome

Kita semua mahluk – mahluk kesepian

Yang punya lubang hitam besar menganga di dada

Yang tak pernah tahu bagaimana mengisinya

Yang tak pernah tahu bagaimana menutupinya


Kita semua mahluk – mahluk kesepian

Yang mencari, dan tak berhenti mencari

Satu makna supaya berarti

Yang berlari, dan tak pernah berhenti berlari

Memburu makna agar berarti


Kita semua mahluk – mahluk kesepian

Yang memakai topeng di keramaian

Agar terlihat memiliki kekuatan

Agar terlihat punya pedoman

Di dalam, kita meringis ketakutan


Kita semua mahluk – mahluk kesepian

Bertanya satu sama lain

Meragukan satu sama lain

Mencurigai satu sama lain

Dan berakhir sendirian


Kita semua mahluk – mahluk kesepian

Tak punya pegangan

Tak punya pijakan

Hanya khayalan

From the desk of a depressed maniac, 2017


Posted in Uncategorized on February 23, 2017 by enybodyhome

Raped. Stabbed. Hit. Fucked. Betrayed. Thrown away. Left behind. Ruined. Destroyed. Yelled. Scolded. Thrown to the street. Dumped like a garbage. Terrorized. Molested.  Underestimated. Insulted. 
Apaan yg gue belom pernah?

Almost nothing.
Dan mau jatoh sedalam apapun

Mau terkapar separah apapun

Mau luka fisik maupun mental
Ga ada yang bisa bikin gue kalah dan nyerah
I will survive i promise you.

Un-happy ending

Posted in Uncategorized on February 20, 2017 by enybodyhome

I dont believe in happy ending. Probably thats why, i dont like fairy tale stories like korean drama, twilight saga, or any kind of romantic  movies come from nicholas sparks novel.

My life has taught me, theres no such thing called happy ending. Thats why everytime i feel happy or too happy, theres some sense of alarm inside me remind myself not to be too happy. Because, no. You can not be happy. Thats not the ending. After the happiness that you are feeling, there will come sadness. It follows your happiness. No happiness will last forever, it has to be replaced with sadness soon or later. Eventually

I dont believe in happy ending. Thats why i grow up to be a cynical person who barely believes in love between man and woman. Just like happiness, there is no forever in the word love. It will eventually fade, end and gone. But thats what good from this part. Since its not forever, it will be replaced with a new love. So never tell that you couldnt live without someone.. you could. You’ll love again. Not just because your love or their love arent forever, but also because it is replacable

But i do believe. In tragedy. Life is tragedy. People constantly living their life without knowing anything. Without understand what is the goal. Is it heaven or hell? Or just fake happiness in this world. People staring blankly at night thinking of their problems wondering how they could get what they want, questioning how to solve their problems and how to ease their broken heart. A never ending cycle they have to live forever as long as they live.

But i do believe in comedy. Coz how else can we spend this tragedy called life, but by laughing it off like a comedy

Nothing cant be cured by dark black coffee

Posted in Uncategorized on February 10, 2017 by enybodyhome

Nggak ada yang gak bisa disembuhin oleh secangkir kopi hitam pahit.

Saat lo ngantuk parah, kopi  jadi sesuatu yang lo cari, dan most of the time bisa nyembuhin ngantuk lo

Saat lo sumpek di kantor akibat kerjaan, ngopi bisa jadi solusi

Saat lo butuh inspirasi waktu lagi ngerjain tugas, kopi bisa sangat membantu

Saat lo kangen sama temen – temen dan feel like want to hang out, ‘ngopi – ngopi’ bisa jadi undangan yang menggiurkan

Saat lo nungguin orang, ngopi bisa jadi alternatif

Saat lo punya kue, biskuit atau pisang goreng, kopi bisa jadi teman pendamping yang lezat

Yeah, ga harus hitam dan pahit memang. Jenis kopi nya absolutely terserah preferensi dan selera


Tapi di saat lo diingatkan sekali lagi oleh kenyataan hidup yang lumayan pahit, kopi hitam, pekat dan pahit sangat membantu. Kopi hitam pahit membantu mengingatkanlo bahwa dalam hidup, lo udah pernah ngalamin sesuatu yang lebih hitam, pekat, dan pahit dari apa yang lo alamin sekarang. Dan bahwa indeed, dalam hidup, you can never have everything.. So just shove it up in your ass, and clear your throath


Posted in Uncategorized on February 7, 2017 by enybodyhome

So last night a friend recommended me a song. Katanya kayaknya gue suka

Biasanya gue apatis ya ama referensi lagu orang – orang, karena selera lagu gue sering ga sama ama selera lagu orang – orang kebanyakan. I mean come on, hari gini siapa si yang masi mewek dengerin lagu nya novia kolopaking, tapi juga bisa terdilo – dilo dengerin Epica?

Anyway, gue ga langsung buka link nya semalem, dan baru buka tadi pagi first thing in the morning, akibat masih ngantuk gila dan sakit kepala parah gegara tadi malem

And God forgives me for i think i have fallen in love with this band. Oh Epica, Pretty Reckless, im so sorry for betraying you guys, but i really – really do in love with this band the moment gue denger lagunya. Dan gilanya, hampir semua lagunya, enak – enak banget. Dari pagi sampe sekarang, gue sibuk aja ngeyutub lagu2 nya mereka  *Please dont tell my boss about it. Dan amazingly, video clip mereka gue banget. When i say ‘gue banget’ , pasti ngerti kan artinya? Dark, very dark, creepy and eerie..

So lagu pertama yang gue denger dari Band ini, judulnya “WHORE”. Gak ngerti juga sih kenapa out of all songs yang band ini punya, temen gue malah kirim yang judulnya “WHORE” Thanks dude, appreciated *lirik sinis ke yang ngirim

Video clipnya keren banget, musiknya gila asli im out of words describing the music, tapi yang paling ngena sih liriknya. Ntah kenapa rasanya krenyes krenyes di hati baca liriknya.

Jadi ya, selain setel lagu2 mereka yang lain, gue ngulang lagu ini dari tadi pagi, sampai post ini dibuat, kira – kira udah 20 kali lah.

Beginilah kira – kira liriknya.


‘m the girl you’ve been thinking about
The one thing you can’t live without
I’m the girl you’ve been waiting for
I’ll have you down on your knees, I’ll have you begging for more
You probably thought I wouldn’t get this far, you thought I’d end up in the back of a car
You probably thought that I’d never escape, I’d be a rat in a cage, I’d be a slave to this place
You don’t know how hard I fought to survive, waking up alone when I was left to die
You don’t know about this life I’ve led, all these roads I’ve walked, all these tears I’ve bled

So how can this be, you’re praying to me
There’s a look in your eyes, I know just what that means
I can be, I can be your everything

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner, I am your whore
But let me tell you something, baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

I’m the one that you need and fear, now that you’re hooked it’s all becoming clear
That all your judgments that you placed on me was a reflection of discovery
So maybe next time when you cast your stones from the shadows of the dark unknown
You will crawl up from your hiding place, take a look in the mirror, see the truth in your face

Gak tau ya, apakah temen gue kirim lagu ini karena judulnya, atau karena liriknya. Tapi kalo karena liriknya, thanks dude, sumpah ini menguatkan banget hahaha i feel like a superhero.. or is it  “SUPERWHORE”?capture