Archive for the Uncategorized Category

final

Posted in Uncategorized on April 18, 2018 by enybodyhome

acceptance

thats all i m doing now

Accepting whatever will be and will happen in the future

all i know i am trying the best and giving the best i could

for whatever the ending later on, i can only accept them

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the winner takes it all

Posted in Uncategorized on April 13, 2018 by enybodyhome

i love the song by ABBA, the winner takes it all, so much

Its probably because i have never been the winner for my whole life

There has never been a victory stand beside me and be my destiny

and yes

the winner takes it all

the loser has to fall

its simple and its plain, why should i complaint

 

i shouldn’t be complaining

 

i am not the chosen one

Posted in Uncategorized on April 12, 2018 by enybodyhome

Berputar – putar

layaknya layar bioskop rusak

Adegan yang sama diulang berputar – putar

 

Dadaku sakit

Perutku perih

Aku tak bisa bernafas

 

Lelehan air hangat kerap muncul tiap kali gambar itu diputar

Bagaimana aku bisa lupakan itu

Bagaimana aku bisa ikhlaskan itu

pada akhirnya

Posted in Uncategorized on March 22, 2018 by enybodyhome

Pada akhirnya, kita semua harus terbiasa dengan pil pahit, berbentuk kenyataan

Bahwa bayangan, impian dan fantasi memang hanya sebatas bayangan, impian dan fantasi

Bahwa sekuat apapun kita berusaha, dan sekeras apapun kita bertahan, bila waktu menuntut untuk menghempaskan, maka terhempaslah sudah semua

Bahwa pada akhirnya kita akan kalah, bahwa akan selalu ada orang lain yang jadi pemenangnya

Begitulah

Me, out of all people harusnya sudah terbiasa dengan itu

 

iri

Posted in Uncategorized on March 21, 2018 by enybodyhome

Iri hati

Mungkin itu akar dari semua kesuraman. Tidak akan ada patah hati bila kita tidak iri melihat kebahagiaan orang lain

Tidak akan ada kemarahan bila kita tidak iri terhadap apa yang didapatkan oleh orang lain

Dan tidak akan ada niat jahat muncul bila iri tidak membuat kita ingin mengalahkan apa yang diraih orang lain dengan segala cara

 

Saat ini saya luar biasa iri.

Hal yang hampir tidak pernah saya rasakan kepada orang lain. Tapi saya akui, kali ini saya iri

Saya iri dengan apa yang dia dapat

Saya iri dengan apa yang dia raih

Saya iri dengan segala hal yang dia punya dan dia dapatkan tiap hari

Saya iri luar biasa. Karena saya membandingkan apa yang dia dapatkan dengan apa yang saya dapat

Saya lupa dan khilaf

Bahwa Tuhan memberikan apa yang pantas didapatkan oleh manusia

Dia pantas mendapatkan semua itu,dan saya tidak

Dia orang baik, sempurna, dan mungkin hampir tanpa cela

Saya penuh cela

Saya tidak pantas mendapatkan semua itu

The winner standing tall, i shouldnt complaint, begitu kata Abba

 

Hal sederhana yang harusnya saya pahami

 

Tapi ya Tuhan, saya luar biasa iri, ampuni saya

#abaikan

Posted in Uncategorized on March 12, 2018 by enybodyhome

Pasrah dan berserah diri

Mudah sekali mengatakan, tapi menjalankan tidak pernah semudah mengatakan

Saat bimbang, kalut dan ketakutan, sebenarnya tidak ada jalan yang lebih baik selain pasrah dan berserah diri

Pasrah atas apapun yang akan terjadi

Buruk, baik, cuma pasrah yang bisa dilakukan

Berserah diri atas apapun yang ditentukan nanti

Karena whats meant to be, will meant to be – ini tidak pernah salah

Whats yours will be yours

 

 

Tapi sekali lagi

Pasrah dan berserah diri, tidak akan pernah bisa mudah

 

Specially when we want something so bad

This too shall pass

Posted in Uncategorized on December 31, 2017 by enybodyhome

New year

So finally here we are
Tiba di akhir 2017. Tahun paling cepat dan ga berasa yang pernah gue alami
Probably because most of the times ive been having fun. You know what they say, time goes by so fast when you are having fun.

As usual, tradisi dr tahun tahun sebelumnya, gue buat list hal2 yang perlu gue sukurin taun ini. Again, bukan buat nyombong, tapi supaya gue ingat untuk bersyukur dan ingat kebesaran Tuhan. Supaya gue ga kerjanya ngeluh melulu as if hidup gue ga pernah happy

Okay, so here are the list

1. Nayla lolop. Alhamdulillah ya allah mereka sehat selalu. Meski lolop agak kurusan karena mungkin masi adaptasi sama sistim SD nya, but overall she is healthy. Mereka juga sudah sangat mengerti dengan konsep parenting mak bapaknya. And no more drama about that. Gue sungguh2 bersukur punya dua malaikat seperti mereka

2. Pertengahn tahun sempet ada prahara nyokap jatoh dan patah tangan. Alhamdulillah kali ini gada drama soal rumah sakit tempat nyokap dirawat. Dan alhamdulillah juga tangannya udah normal sekarang. Bokap? Gw ga ngunjungin dia tahun ini. Mudah2an taun depan bisa, amiin. I miss him so much juga

3. Kerjaan just so so. Learning to accept things the way they are. Gue mulai berusaha ngurangin ngeluh, karena hei this is where i work and get money for my family

4. Oh man kuliah. Been totally down this year. Gada smangat sama skali. Nilai pun sliding down. Oh well gapapa lah. Strngah taun lagi, setengah taun lagi thats what ive been chanting to my self

5. Lingkaran pertemanan smakin mengecil. I dont talk to many people anymore. Noone is left anyone. It just stops. I dont respond texts, or ajakan hang out anymore. why? as i always say, temen itu seleksi alam. Whats good and meant to be, will stay. Whats not, will be gone. Itu aja sih

6. I found the man. The one. And probably the last one. Why? Coz he is so perfect that after him, if he and i are over,i will not be in any relationship with anyone anymore

7. diberikan kesehatan dan umur oleh Tuhan, semoga masi akan slalu diberikan keduanya until upcoming years, beserta berkah lainnya yang tak bisa gue hitung

Well thats 2017. Diakhiri dengan selamat. Time to face 2018. I have a feeling it wont be easy year for me. Thats alright. Insya allah gue bisa hadapin

Ive been stabbed, pushed to the ground, crushed, stomped, spit on and screwed over, and here i am still livin my life. Gada alasan gue ga bisa menghadapi cobaan cobaan selanjutnya.

d9378f359370b6ce8e051e6cd391935b.jpg

Amiiin…

 

 

 

 

Cornered

Posted in Uncategorized on May 10, 2017 by enybodyhome

today is mighty tiring

left home at 5am to finally celebrate the event that my friends and i have prepared since March, while only had 3 hours of sleep at the nite before, and still wit heavy feeling from the news i got yesterday, and the eerie news i got today

the event was a blast, all the participants were happy, and most importantly, we managed to make all the people got closer than before, those who dont know were getting to know each other, and the strange faces have become the friendly faces. The ice is breaking, and it is nice. 

As soon as the event was over, i left the venue to the office, took a bath, and prepared for another activity. College.

 Kalo ga inget harus presentasi dan kumpulin tugas, pengen bolos rasanya. Mata sepet, badan sakit akibat angkat-angkat barang, dan lari sana – sini, jahitan sakit, perut rasa mau ambrol, dan kepala kaya mau pecah rasanya. Tapi kewajiban ya kewajiban. Kudu dipenuhi.

So here i am, duduk mojok di ruang kelas saat break, selesai presentasi. Pengen tidur takut bablas, ga mau tidur tapi fisik beneran ambruk.

at times like this. i need him. so much. The him that have painted my life more colorful. The him that always makes me laugh. The him that i adore so much.

but he turns ice cold.

i made him that way.

so here i am. cryin. 

in the corner

and dont know what to do.

Functioned

Posted in Uncategorized on April 19, 2017 by enybodyhome

I thought my heart has been broken severedly that the system wouldnt be functioned properly anymore

I thought my heart couldnt beat the way it should be anymore

I thought i was a heartless bastard

But just now

Just this moment

I feel pain here inside my chest

It goes like a something has been pulled from my chest through my throath, in repeating mode

It goes like a small knife pushes his way in to the chest

And it feels funny yet painfull everytime i breathe

So i guess i do have a heart and it is functioned well afterall..

There

Posted in Uncategorized on April 13, 2017 by enybodyhome

There i saw him..

Walked right pass me

Sharp. Strong. Firm. And fast. Didnt bother to look 

I felt my heart beats faster. Unrecognizable


There i met him

Walked pass by me. 

That glimpse of light from his eyes

Captured my heart. 

The knees fell weak everytime i saw them

There he shooked my hand

Raspy voice. Wide smile. 

Warm. 

I couldnt get that smile out of my head


There we touched

The deep wet kiss

The soft and strong hug

The comforting smell

I want to stay there forever