Archive for the a sweet goodbye Category

Cause the players gonna play. And the haters gonna hate

Posted in a sweet goodbye, My Precious one, my songs on February 18, 2015 by enybodyhome

So basically gue ga pernah suka sama Taylor Swift dari dulu. Iya dia cantik, iya dia berbakat, dan iya lagunya enak – enak, dan iya pacarnya ganteng-ganteng, dan iya lagi, dia katanya baik and so on and so on

Tapi ntah kenapa, gue ga pernah suka ama dia. Bagi gue dia terlalu sempurna, and for me, perfection is boring 😛

I am more into team miley cyrus lah ya. Yang sembarangan, ga perdulian and keep thinking about sex only #loh

Ntah kenapa bagi gue, Miley Cyrus lebih manusiawi, lebih apa adanya (although kadang pose julur lidahnya agak terlalu keterlaluan), but still i love her guts

 

Anyway, one day beberapa bulan lalu, gue liat di suatu tempat, salah satu video clipnya Taylor Swift yang shake it off. Video clipnya lucu, dan musiknya enak banget.

Mau donlod ah, pikir gue waktu itu. Tapi ga kunjung gue donlod donlod, soalnya gimana juga, gue masih antipati ama Taylor Swift

 

Tapi kemudian, berhubung minggu-minggu kemarin hidup gue agak gelap kaya terowongan casablanca pas hantu merah casablancanya lagi lewat, gue memutuskan untuk nyoba download lagu itu.

Dan hei, the song is fun indeed. Fun banget, and asli bikin gue happy banget. Ga bisa ga goyang dengerin nya, dan lalu kemudian gue jadi ingin dugem kan, kemudian lama lama pasti horny lagi deh #lah. (Well, being horny is kind of my indicator that i am already in good condition gitu deh.)

SO gitu deh, seharian gue dengerin lagu ini dah berkali – kali and totally bikin happy banget, and turns out the lyric is keren banget!

Two thumbs for you, Taylor!!

I stay out too late
Got nothing in my brain
That’s what people say, mmm-mmm
That’s what people say, mmm-mmm

I go on too many dates [chuckle]
But I can’t make them stay
At least that’s what people say, mmm-mmm
That’s what people say, mmm-mmm

But I keep cruising
Can’t stop, won’t stop moving
It’s like I got this music
In my mind
Saying, “It’s gonna be alright.”

‘Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off

I never miss a beat
I’m lightning on my feet
And that’s what they don’t see, mmm-mmm
That’s what they don’t see, mmm-mmm

I’m dancing on my own (dancing on my own)
I make the moves up as I go (moves up as I go)
And that’s what they don’t know, mmm-mmm
That’s what they don’t know, mmm-mmm

But I keep cruising
Can’t stop, won’t stop grooving
It’s like I got this music
In my mind
Saying, “It’s gonna be alright.”

‘Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off

Shake it off, I shake it off,
I, I, I shake it off, I shake it off,
I, I, I shake it off, I shake it off,
I, I, I shake it off, I shake it off

Hey, hey, hey
Just think while you’ve been getting down and out about the liars and the dirty, dirty cheats of the world,
You could’ve been getting down to this sick beat.

My ex-man brought his new girlfriend
She’s like “Oh, my god!” but I’m just gonna shake.
And to the fella over there with the hella good hair
Won’t you come on over, baby? We can shake, shake, shake

image

 

PS : Jadi beneran pengen dugeeeeeem iiihhhh

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The 2014..

Posted in a simple hello, a sweet goodbye, My Precious one with tags on December 31, 2014 by enybodyhome

Mengulang tradisi dua tahun ini, setiap pengunjung tahun gue nulisin hal-hal yang bikin gue bersyukur sepanjang tahun. Bukan nyombong atau bragging maksudnya, tapi cuma ingin mengingatkan diri sendiri betapa ternyata no matter what, Tuhan masih sayang sama gue

Baru aja ngebaca postingan tahun lalu https://enybodyhome.wordpress.com/2013/12/29/come-what-may-2/, ternyata banyak juga ya hal yang bikin gue bersyukur tahun lalu. Dan gue yakin, tahun ini pasti masih sama banyaknya.

Lets see..

1. Overall nayla dan lolop sehat. Makin pinter. Meski September kemarin sempet shock karena lolop harus dioperasi dan hari INI nayla masih panas tinggi dr semalam, generally mereka berdua sehat – sehat aja. Semoga tahun depan dan tahun-tahun selanjutnya semakin sehat dan semakin tumbuh baik.. Amiin

2. Setelah ngalamin krisis berkali – kali perihal kesehatannya, alhamdulillah Bokap bisa survive sampai penghujung tahun. Dia belum sehat sepenuhnya, masih belum bisa ngomong, tapi bagi bokap, gue, dan keluarga, itu improvement banget. Apa yang terjadi dengan bokap juga membawa hikmah bagi gue personally akan berharganya orang tua dan keluarga. Juga membawa kekuatan lebih ke diri gue sendiri yang gue ga pernah tahu gue punya sebelumnya.

3. Nyokap, kakak, adik, dan ponakan – ponakan tersayang masih sehat dan meskipun again penuh drama dan konflik rumah tangga yang sebagian lumayan berat, kita semua survive. Kita semua masih menjadi satu keluarga besar yang utuh. And i love them all..

4. Mengingat salah satu doa gue tahun kemarin adalah Ardy mendapatkan kebahagiaannya, tampaknya Tuhan mendengar. He gets his happiness now. Meski sumbernya beda – beda dan sering kali tetep diisi berantem di sana sini ama gue, i could say he finds what he is looking for now. Meski jujur masih keberatan ama caranya handle things, tapi ya udahlah. Time will make him learn. I hope.

5. Gue kuliah. Yes gue kuliah. Meski jalannya ga mulus, dan harus berkali – kali hesitate dan aga meragukan keputusan ini, tapi i finally continue my study. Sesuatu yang ive been longing for entah dari kapan. Semoga prosesnya lancar dan tepat waktu. Amin.

6. Beberapa kali ups and down di kerjaan yang sekarang, interview di beberapa tempat, di terima juga di sebagian, tapi ga bisa gue ambil, bikin gue sadar, mungkin jalannya emang di sini dulu gue. Mungkin harus dikuat-kuatin aja separah apapun. Gimana juga, kantor yang sekarang bisa dibilang ideal karena deket sama kampus dan ga terlalu jauh dr rumah.

7. Meski sempet slag sama beberapa temen, tapi alhamdulillah i still keep them as my friends, baik buruknya mereka, they are still my friends, seperti juga sebaliknya, baik buruknya gue, im still their friend (eh iya kan? Atau gue geer aja? Sebenernya nggak ya?) Anyway, regarding friends, tahun ini cukup menyenangkan karena gue berhasil nyambung tali pertemanan sama orang – orang di jaman smp dan smu yang sebelumnya ga pernah gue kira bisa jadi temen gue. Turns out they are wonderful friends. Mudah2an temenannya ga berakhir dan long lasting.

Gue juga bersyukur punya temen – temen setia yang kepada mereka gue ga berhenti curhat sampe mulut berbusa. Ga kehitung berapa banyak kesabaran mereka ngadepin gue yang gila drama dan hidupnya ga pernah beres. Padahal di antaranya bahkan ga pernah ketemu gue sekalipun. But she has been a wonderful and a very supportive friend. Im so glad ive found you ardiasti retno. And i will always look up on your strength :). Iya i specially mention your name here, karena lo satu-satunya temen curhat yang wujudnya ga pernah gue temuin sekalipun seumur hidup, tapi tahu almost all my stories. Isnt that amazing? Bhihihik. Thanks for being patient dealing with me ya..

8. Diri gue sendiri. Entah kenapa akibat begitu banyak krisis dan masalah yang gue temuin belakangan ini, gue merasa seperti menemui dan makin kenal sama diri  sendiri. Rasanya seperti phoenix yang bangkit dari abu dan menukik tajam ke langit dengan bentuk yang lebih indah. Iye iye, gue ga seindah phoenix dan analoginya tampak sangat terlalu dibesar-besarkan,tapi ya kira kira gitu deh yang gue rasain. Gue jadi semakin ngerasa kuat dan you know that “nothing can stop me” feeling? I kinda feel like that gitu deh. Iya at some points gue masih sering ngerasa jatuh, down atau galau some times, but again, i feel like those barrierrs, those obstacles, ga bisa hentiin gue from getting what i want. Iya. Nothing. Mudah – mudahan..

Speaking of which, kenal diri gue yang seperti gimana deh maksud gue? Ga jauh ga bukan ya bahwa gue ini emang bukan manusia baik. Dan definitely masuk neraka, so whatever they say, im still gonna do everything on my way, and do whatever aspires me

9. Ive got some new “experiences” tahun ini. Some are good,  most of them are bad. I dont mind. :). I am still glad ive undergone it :p

10. Perbendaharaan lagu gue makin banyak! So far i have 1564 songs in my ipod! Banyak banget ya. Iya dan gue seneng karena pemusik idola dan lagu favorit gue juga makin banyak sekarang, come from any kind of music genre

11.  Menyangkut list no 8, despite banyak org protes gue nambah tattoo, including my mom, i ve added some cute tattoos on me this year. Termasuk shiryu yang paling terakhir. My all time favorite character, yang bahkan sampe sudah tua begini masih sering gue impiin.

12. Makin mengerti soal cinta. Bahwa cinta yang abadi cuma ada antara anak dan orang tua dan sebaliknya. Sisanya, cinta duniawi belaka yang punya waktu kadaluarsa dan terlalu banyak terms and condition yang harus disetujui dan diikuti. And yeah, despite the term and condition, cinta jenis ini ga akan bertahan selamanya. Never forever. Tapi ya selama masih bisa dirasain, dinikmatin aja sejadi – jadinya. Livin the moment aja gitu. Apa yang terjadi nanti, karena udah tau endingnya ga bakal selamanya, ya udah terjadi ajalah.

Apa lagi ya? Untuk sementara gitu aja kali ya? Udah banyak juga ternyata gue nulis. Dan udah sebanyak inipun hujannya belum berhenti, dan gue masih stuck di warung padang, belum bisa pulang.

Wait, dikaitkan dengan tema post ini, harusnya gue bersukur aja ya ujan gede dan lama gini, kan toh akhirnya gue bisa bikin post yang panjang kali lebar ini.

Anyway, besok tahun 2015, apa harapannya? Masih sama. Kebahagiaan buat gue dan orang sekeliling gue. Semoga gue juga makin menjadi bijak, secara itu hal yang ga pernah gue punya selama ini. Amin 🙂

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#30daysblogging #day4 – Dia nggak mau diputusiiinnnn (?!?!?)

Posted in a sweet goodbye, crazy theory with tags , on November 9, 2014 by enybodyhome

Beberapa temen pernah curhat mengenai pacar-pacar mereka yang gak mau diputusin.
Terus terang, konsep dan statement ini, confuses me.

Kenapa gitu? Karena setahu gue,bukannya it takes two to tango ya? Dalam satu hubungan, bukannya harusnya ada dua orang yang berminat, tertarik, punya kepentingan dan tujuan yang sama, dan ada di jalur yang sama ya?  Nah kalau salah satu sudah ga berminat dan tertarik lagi, tujuan dan kepentingannya beda, dan ga ada di jalur yang sama lagi, bukannya itu artinya hubungannya berakhir ya?

Apa pihak yang satunya lagi boleh maksa supaya itu pihak yang ga mau sama lagi, ga jadi mutusin? Kalaupun boleh, apa enaknya sih jalanin hubungan sama orang yang kepaksa sama kita? Dan again, doesnt it take two to tango?kalau yang satu sudah gak ingin “berdansa” , bukannya bakal lumpuh ya?  Apa artinya punya hubungan kalau jalannya lumpuh dan berat sebelah?

Again, i really dont understand sama konsep “gak mau diputusin”. Gue belum pernah sih ngalamin diputusin. But kalau sampai ada yang mutusin gue dan decide to leave me, i would never ask them to stay, atau minta,gak mau ditinggalin. If they want to stay, it has to be by their own willingness.

Wait, not so long ago beneran ada yang “mutusin” gue ding. The person told me that dia ga mau deket sama gue lagi. Itu sama aja diputusin kan ya? And yes, all i said was okay. No fuss, didnt ask the person to stay.. So im a man of my word #ejiyeee

And anyway, really. For those who are having the difficult situation karena pacarnya ga mau diputusin, really? Bukannya jalannya semudah ga usah hubungin atau nemuin orang itu aja ya? Atau just said “i had enough with you, stop begging me to stay”. That easy kan ya? Ga usah kasih harapan atau terpaksa ama tuh orang just because dia ga mau diputusin. Its your life lagian juga, kenapa harus ikutin omongan orang? Kalau tuh orang maksa juga, call the police and put restraining order against that someone aja deh… Susah amat..

the end

Posted in a sweet goodbye, My Precious one with tags , , , , , , on October 30, 2014 by enybodyhome

do you remember, honey?

that time in the big white room

when nothing was alive except you and me

fulfilling what our evil twin wanted

do you remember, honey?

that time when the time stopped and

nothing was important but you and me

pulling our veins and licking each other’s souls

do you remember, honey

that moment in the big white room

when you were deep inside, and i begged for your mercy

while screamed your name out loud

do you remember, honey

that night when no sounds were listened

but the deep husky sigh of our lungs

gripping each other’s skins, embracing that beautiful place we call heaven

do you remember, honey

that morning when everything was bare

you and me, intertwined, with the sun rose upon the window

and woke us from the lust

everything has an end

What if.. If only..

Posted in a sweet goodbye on September 12, 2014 by enybodyhome

Abis anter bokap kontrol di rumah sakit.
Bokapnya sih sudah pulang dianter adek. Gue nya nunggu obat dan kasirnya sendirian
Tadi terpaksa minta surat rujukan sama dokternya, buat bisa berobat ke rumah sakit lain yang bisa terima bpjs. Malu sebenernya. Dan kasihan sama bokap. Karena gue tahu obat bpjs pasti ga sebagus atau seampuh obat di rumah sakit ini. Tapi sayangnya gue ga punya pilihan. Bolak balik bokap berobat, gue yang tanggung sendirian, dan skali berobat bisa kena 600-700 ribu. Itu harus seminggu sekali. Bukan mau perhitungan sama orang tua, tapi financially, gue ga semampu ini. At this time gue jadi aga menyesali keputusan gue untuk kuliah tahun ini.
Seandainya gue ga kuliah, kondisi keuangan gue pasti lebih baik, dan gue ga perlu bawa bokap berobat dengan bpjs :(.

Not to mention, sebelum kuliah gue sempet konsul ke (mantan) suami. Gue bilang, kalau gue kuliah, dia ikhlas dan rela ga pulang cepet terus dr kantor. Mengingat itu artinya gue akan pulang malam terus, dan kasihan kalo nyokap ataupun bokap yang nungguin anak-anak sampe malam. Dia bilang iya.
Tapi lalu di hari pertama gue kuliah,gue tagih janjinya, malah berujung berantem hebat. And since then gue udah males nagih2 lagi. Dan terbukti dia ga terlalu perduli juga dan masih aja pulang malam and even sometimes ga pulang.
Ya udahlah ya, gue juga ga punya hak maksa dia. Dia punya kehidupan sendiri sekarang, terserah dia mau gunain waktunya buat apa. Gue juga udah capek berantem. Dan mungkin menurutnya ga fair kalo dia harus pulang cepet terus while gue seenaknya pulang malem tiap hari.
Oh well, akhirnya dengan penuh rasa salah gue minta pengertian nyokap buat jagain anak anak sampe malam. Nyokap mah iya iya aja. Tapi gue yang ga tega. However dia juga sudah tua banget…
Lagi lagi gue merasa keputusan untuk kuliah tahun ini mungkin keputusan yang salah…

Belakangan gue ngerasa sendirian. Ngerasa terlalu banyak beban di pundak gue. Tapi gue juga ngerasa mungkin gue nya aja yang kurang bersyukur sampe2 bisa ngerasa kaya gitu. Mungkin gue harus berpikir kaya spiderman. I mean, pamannya spiderman. Semakin besar kekuatan seseorang, semakin banyak tanggung jawabnya. Mungkin Tuhan memang mikir kekuatan gue besar banget. Makanya juga dikasih tanggung jawab banyak.
Yeah asalkan gue bener bener dikasih lebih banyak kekuatan aja sih…
Soalnya bahkan superhero sometimes break down and cry kan

And speaking of the loneliness, setiap ramalan zodiak bilang kalau org aquarius is usually detached themselves from other people. I actually not detaching myself. From anyone. Gue cuma ngerasa, gue mungkin ga pantas punya attachment apa apa sama orang lain. Because people tend to leave… Dan gue ga berani ngerasain sakitnya. Because udah berkali kali juga begitu kan. Sakit luar biasa ditinggal orang-orang itu.. Atau bahkan diacuhkan orang orang itu..

Dan pada akhirnya. Here i am. Feeling alone and lonely most of the time..

Oh well, what am i saying. I have nayla and lolop, dont i…

Kasir dan obatnya masih lama kayaknya. So i guess i can write a little bit more while waiting. Toh ga ada yang nemenin atau ngajak ngobrol juga..

Tadi sore sebelum pulang nonton If Only. Filmnya Jennifer Love Hewitt tahun 2004. Film lama. Gue juga nemu referensinya pas lagi ngeyutub lagu2 si jenlove. Anyway filmnya sedih. Tentang kesempatan kedua. Tentang bagaimana memperlakukan orang orang yang mencintai kita dengan tulus. Tentang bagaimana kita seharusnya bisa put the people who love us dearly in a first priority. Not the second, or even third..

Comes to my mind, my first priority would be nayla lolop, my family, and the loved ones. But who puts me in their first priority?

Oh well apalah gue ini. Mulai pamrih dan bodoh karena mikirin apa pendapat orang tentang gue. Ya udahsih ya just do the best and expect for the best aja regardless how people put me on their list

And anyway, masih belum dipanggil juga. And im getting hungri-er

Tetoe love

Posted in a sweet goodbye, my movies, My Precious one on May 3, 2014 by enybodyhome

We all never know what lpcd od osaalviyr. Otta just a feeling we have deep i sidd for someone we keep j. Houd geart.

Mau e thid ic ehat my true kovd os.
Tiu cone ti my sebses grom cgicago might be the only sobg that shows goq big ng kove is foe tgat pwrsob i jnkw i kove si mihcj

I lice ij

Survival #5

Posted in a sweet goodbye, My Precious one with tags , , , on April 29, 2014 by enybodyhome

So the one of the best things that happened today is payday. Although that means to lose it again within few minutes for paying the bills, it is relieving..

Anyway i decided not to do what i did last year. Sitting alone in the dark misery and trying hard to endure the unbearable pain

I decided to fix everything. I decided to try. Again

It has not been fixed and things might be going to be the same, this dark misery, but at least i have tried.

Whatever the result, whatever it leads me, at least i know now…

Survival #4

Posted in a sweet goodbye, daydreaming, My Precious one, my songs with tags , on April 28, 2014 by enybodyhome

Seperti tahun lalu, salah satu lagu yang gue dengerin terus when i was in current similar situation, was Angelina nya Il Divo

Gue emang dari tahun 2005 udah suka banget sama ildivo. Selain ganteng-ganteng, suara mereka luar biasa seksi, dan the way they sing every songs, kayaknya powerful, penuh pengkhayatan dan bikin merinding plus termehek-mehek.

Anyway, Angelina is one of their best songs. The song is in spanish, tapi thanks to googling and the people behind website “lyricstranslate.com”, gue jadi tahu artinya. Begini menurut websitenya

You and I and only one heart
that beats for the two.
What can go wrong?

Cowardly and cruel dawn, gray sky,
without your skin,
if you are not here.

Forget everything while you dance Angelina,
until the dawn or dying of thirst.

Pain does not exist while you dance, Angelina.
All will go well, do not lose faith.

One more night lost among your skin.
It is difficult to understand, but it’s like this…

I am at your feet time and again.
When we dance, I am happy.

One more night lost among your skin.
It is difficult to understand, but it’s like this…

I am at your feet time and again.
When we dance, I am happy.

 

Anyway, bagian chorus lagunya selalu jadi bagian favorite gue. The pain dont exist when you dance, Angelina.
So tadi sore pulang dari kantor di angkot, gue kepikiran lagu itu. Turun di Mencong, gue ga lanjut naik ojek seperti biasa, but i walked

According to the song, the pain dont exist when you dance. I can not dance. And even if i could, impossible for me to dance di jalanan atau dalam angkot. When in fact, the pain… Oh God the pain has become so unbearable. I feel it constantly in my chest, and my tummy. Rasanya kaya ditusuk berulang-ulang tapi pelan dengan pisau tumpul. I just couldnt take it…

 

And anyway, so i think walking is almost the same as dancing, no?
Sama- sama gerakin kaki (mengikuti irama) dan sama sama ngeluarin keringat. Dan supaya rasanya seperti berdansa, gue seperti biasa jalan sambil dengerin lagu.

It took me 1,5 hours to get to home finally. Dari mulai digodain ojek, abang-abang sampai om om ganjen. What a long tapi ga berasa – journey

Kaki gue lecet. Sampai rumahpun mati lampu. Keringet keluar banyak memang. Almost like olahraga lah, i hope i could lose some weight 😛

 

But how bout the pain?

The pain is still there. Still inside my badly wounded heart and eating me alive.. I just dont know anymore..

Sepertinya gue butuh jarak jalan yang lebih jauh…

Survival #3

Posted in a sweet goodbye, daydreaming, My Precious one with tags , , , , , , , , on April 28, 2014 by enybodyhome

so this is monday

already at the office, setelah kepanasan luar biasa tadi di angkot

Pagi – pagi berantem lagi sama Ardy, yeah whats new on that. Its like a good morning hello to me, or to both of us

 

Ntah kenapa, sitting here, at this office, makes the broken heart terasa lebih sakit dari sebelumnya. I practically dont know what to do now, and cant get my mind out of the issue. My chest feels heavy, can not breath, can not think, can not do anything

All i want is to sit in a dark corner, and cried my eyes out, reaching for help. I dont know whose help though

 

The pain, oh the pain. Still couldnt believe myself, i am here again, the same condition, the same issue, the same heart broken, by the same person

Whats worse is , i could not even blame the person for this, as i know it so well i might be the one who is to blame

cbe4db63b5860f99d5d7bbea33beb4ee

 

Survival #2

Posted in a sweet goodbye, crazy theory, My Precious one with tags , , , , , on April 27, 2014 by enybodyhome

So today the agenda was..
Bersih bersih rumah dan beberes in the morning
Had a quite a fight with ardy also. That suddenly made me the loneliest person on earth, for keep pushing away the people who love me. Cried
myself out in the bathroom. Yeah, where else

Dan kemudian end up with me opened the laptop and started writing
Yeah writing stories. It had been a thing that ive never done again for so long. Maybe its time to start. Again
Beside, they said writing was one of the best way to heal or help you forget your broken heart. I ve got 4 pages.Lumayanlah

In the afternoon we went to the mall with nayla and lolop for monthly grocery shopping
Funny thing was, i suddenly lost my appetite on shoes and dress the way i used to be.. This ache inside has really gotten me 😦

Anyway pulang dr belanja bulanan, anak-anak tidur. Then i continued watching himym season 4 until the moment before i write this post

I actually dont wanna sleep, coz the moments before sleeping has always been the roughest moments for broken people as me, but then i realize, showing up at work with bad headache and constantly yawning would not be good for my own health

Anyway that is that. I complete today successfully.

Bismillah untuk besok.. Amiin

Ps: i have to sleep in the couch now. Kayaknya bakal beneran ga tidur and watching tv instead.
Oh this pain inside have made me like 19 again 😦