growing up..

So yesterday while having breakfast with a friend, we got to  topic about age. Yes age, and suddenly questioned ourselves in a very shocking way, “WHAT?? We ‘re 35 already?!!!”

Yep, the horror look in our face, clearly said it all

Beneran ga nyangka umur kita berdua udah 35. How did we get here? How did we get to this number and didnt learn anything? How did we manage to survive until this number, and how can we survive any longer?

Sewaktu kecil, kita selalu ingin jadi cepet besar. I remember when i was 10, i had always fantasized on how i looked and what would i be when i reached 22. Di bayangan gue, gue akan jadi perempuan matang baru lulus kuliah, dan siap sedia terjun ke dunia kerja. Gue selalu bayangin gue bakal jadi perempuan tinggi langsing, berambut panjang berkaca mata, pakai baju bagus, dan melangkah pasti yakin akan bekerja di salah satu gedung besar di kawasan sudirman.

Usia 22 gue berlalu 13 tahun yang lalu. And as far as i remember, none of the fantasy above had become true when i was at age 22.

At age 22, im short, thin like a broom,  was in a very dysfunctional relationship with my abusive boyfriend who had always beaten me up and cheated with every girl he knew, got no job, and ran away from home. Totally far from what i had imagined

Anyway, in between my confusion, depression, and dysfunctional life, on my 22, i had fantasy about how my life would be if i reached 35.

Gue mikirnya, di usia 35 gue bkal hidup bahagia, punya rumah kecil lucu di pinggiran Jakarta, bareng suami (yang gue pikir adalah  my abusive boyfriend kala itu), punya dua anak cowok dan cewek, masih cakep – makin matang dan masih langsing, dan jadi penulis novel terkenal yang bijak dan dewasa.

But look at me now

Im 35, fat short and ugly like a short ogre, have been in so many complicated and frustrating relationship since i was 22, have a mediocre job with mediocre income, im miles away from becoming a writer, and got no cute lovely home at the suburb.

And guess what, i still dont know what to do with my  life, and got no clues or whatsoever on what i should do 90% of the times when dealing with problems. Boro – boro bijak dan dewasa, i cant even control my impulse and sex drive

Oh well, but like they said, pada intinya gada yang tahu apa yang sedang mereka lakukan juga. Growing up is just deciding everything based on your guts and hoping your decision will not lead you to disaster

and im a queen of disaster, so you could imagine how many bad decision i have made lah

Toh yang penting i have my two beautiful daughters whom i love very much and heiii I work in sudirman area now hahahahaa *like it matters aje kerja di sudirman :/





2 Responses to “growing up..”

  1. it could get worse, You and God have both work hard.

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