Archive for February, 2017

Bisa

Posted in Uncategorized on February 23, 2017 by enybodyhome

Raped. Stabbed. Hit. Fucked. Betrayed. Thrown away. Left behind. Ruined. Destroyed. Yelled. Scolded. Thrown to the street. Dumped like a garbage. Terrorized. Molested.  Underestimated. Insulted. 
Apaan yg gue belom pernah?

Almost nothing.
Dan mau jatoh sedalam apapun

Mau terkapar separah apapun

Mau luka fisik maupun mental
Ga ada yang bisa bikin gue kalah dan nyerah
I will survive i promise you.

Un-happy ending

Posted in Uncategorized on February 20, 2017 by enybodyhome

I dont believe in happy ending. Probably thats why, i dont like fairy tale stories like korean drama, twilight saga, or any kind of romantic  movies come from nicholas sparks novel.

My life has taught me, theres no such thing called happy ending. Thats why everytime i feel happy or too happy, theres some sense of alarm inside me remind myself not to be too happy. Because, no. You can not be happy. Thats not the ending. After the happiness that you are feeling, there will come sadness. It follows your happiness. No happiness will last forever, it has to be replaced with sadness soon or later. Eventually

I dont believe in happy ending. Thats why i grow up to be a cynical person who barely believes in love between man and woman. Just like happiness, there is no forever in the word love. It will eventually fade, end and gone. But thats what good from this part. Since its not forever, it will be replaced with a new love. So never tell that you couldnt live without someone.. you could. You’ll love again. Not just because your love or their love arent forever, but also because it is replacable

But i do believe. In tragedy. Life is tragedy. People constantly living their life without knowing anything. Without understand what is the goal. Is it heaven or hell? Or just fake happiness in this world. People staring blankly at night thinking of their problems wondering how they could get what they want, questioning how to solve their problems and how to ease their broken heart. A never ending cycle they have to live forever as long as they live.

But i do believe in comedy. Coz how else can we spend this tragedy called life, but by laughing it off like a comedy

Nothing cant be cured by dark black coffee

Posted in Uncategorized on February 10, 2017 by enybodyhome

Nggak ada yang gak bisa disembuhin oleh secangkir kopi hitam pahit.

Saat lo ngantuk parah, kopi  jadi sesuatu yang lo cari, dan most of the time bisa nyembuhin ngantuk lo

Saat lo sumpek di kantor akibat kerjaan, ngopi bisa jadi solusi

Saat lo butuh inspirasi waktu lagi ngerjain tugas, kopi bisa sangat membantu

Saat lo kangen sama temen – temen dan feel like want to hang out, ‘ngopi – ngopi’ bisa jadi undangan yang menggiurkan

Saat lo nungguin orang, ngopi bisa jadi alternatif

Saat lo punya kue, biskuit atau pisang goreng, kopi bisa jadi teman pendamping yang lezat

Yeah, ga harus hitam dan pahit memang. Jenis kopi nya absolutely terserah preferensi dan selera

images

Tapi di saat lo diingatkan sekali lagi oleh kenyataan hidup yang lumayan pahit, kopi hitam, pekat dan pahit sangat membantu. Kopi hitam pahit membantu mengingatkanlo bahwa dalam hidup, lo udah pernah ngalamin sesuatu yang lebih hitam, pekat, dan pahit dari apa yang lo alamin sekarang. Dan bahwa indeed, dalam hidup, you can never have everything.. So just shove it up in your ass, and clear your throath

superwhore

Posted in Uncategorized on February 7, 2017 by enybodyhome

So last night a friend recommended me a song. Katanya kayaknya gue suka

Biasanya gue apatis ya ama referensi lagu orang – orang, karena selera lagu gue sering ga sama ama selera lagu orang – orang kebanyakan. I mean come on, hari gini siapa si yang masi mewek dengerin lagu nya novia kolopaking, tapi juga bisa terdilo – dilo dengerin Epica?

Anyway, gue ga langsung buka link nya semalem, dan baru buka tadi pagi first thing in the morning, akibat masih ngantuk gila dan sakit kepala parah gegara tadi malem

And God forgives me for i think i have fallen in love with this band. Oh Epica, Pretty Reckless, im so sorry for betraying you guys, but i really – really do in love with this band the moment gue denger lagunya. Dan gilanya, hampir semua lagunya, enak – enak banget. Dari pagi sampe sekarang, gue sibuk aja ngeyutub lagu2 nya mereka  *Please dont tell my boss about it. Dan amazingly, video clip mereka gue banget. When i say ‘gue banget’ , pasti ngerti kan artinya? Dark, very dark, creepy and eerie..

So lagu pertama yang gue denger dari Band ini, judulnya “WHORE”. Gak ngerti juga sih kenapa out of all songs yang band ini punya, temen gue malah kirim yang judulnya “WHORE” Thanks dude, appreciated *lirik sinis ke yang ngirim

Video clipnya keren banget, musiknya gila asli im out of words describing the music, tapi yang paling ngena sih liriknya. Ntah kenapa rasanya krenyes krenyes di hati baca liriknya.

Jadi ya, selain setel lagu2 mereka yang lain, gue ngulang lagu ini dari tadi pagi, sampai post ini dibuat, kira – kira udah 20 kali lah.

Beginilah kira – kira liriknya.

 

‘m the girl you’ve been thinking about
The one thing you can’t live without
I’m the girl you’ve been waiting for
I’ll have you down on your knees, I’ll have you begging for more
You probably thought I wouldn’t get this far, you thought I’d end up in the back of a car
You probably thought that I’d never escape, I’d be a rat in a cage, I’d be a slave to this place
You don’t know how hard I fought to survive, waking up alone when I was left to die
You don’t know about this life I’ve led, all these roads I’ve walked, all these tears I’ve bled

So how can this be, you’re praying to me
There’s a look in your eyes, I know just what that means
I can be, I can be your everything

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner, I am your whore
But let me tell you something, baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

I’m the one that you need and fear, now that you’re hooked it’s all becoming clear
That all your judgments that you placed on me was a reflection of discovery
So maybe next time when you cast your stones from the shadows of the dark unknown
You will crawl up from your hiding place, take a look in the mirror, see the truth in your face

Gak tau ya, apakah temen gue kirim lagu ini karena judulnya, atau karena liriknya. Tapi kalo karena liriknya, thanks dude, sumpah ini menguatkan banget hahaha i feel like a superhero.. or is it  “SUPERWHORE”?capture

growing up..

Posted in Uncategorized on February 2, 2017 by enybodyhome

So yesterday while having breakfast with a friend, we got to  topic about age. Yes age, and suddenly questioned ourselves in a very shocking way, “WHAT?? We ‘re 35 already?!!!”

Yep, the horror look in our face, clearly said it all

Beneran ga nyangka umur kita berdua udah 35. How did we get here? How did we get to this number and didnt learn anything? How did we manage to survive until this number, and how can we survive any longer?

Sewaktu kecil, kita selalu ingin jadi cepet besar. I remember when i was 10, i had always fantasized on how i looked and what would i be when i reached 22. Di bayangan gue, gue akan jadi perempuan matang baru lulus kuliah, dan siap sedia terjun ke dunia kerja. Gue selalu bayangin gue bakal jadi perempuan tinggi langsing, berambut panjang berkaca mata, pakai baju bagus, dan melangkah pasti yakin akan bekerja di salah satu gedung besar di kawasan sudirman.

Usia 22 gue berlalu 13 tahun yang lalu. And as far as i remember, none of the fantasy above had become true when i was at age 22.

At age 22, im short, thin like a broom,  was in a very dysfunctional relationship with my abusive boyfriend who had always beaten me up and cheated with every girl he knew, got no job, and ran away from home. Totally far from what i had imagined

Anyway, in between my confusion, depression, and dysfunctional life, on my 22, i had fantasy about how my life would be if i reached 35.

Gue mikirnya, di usia 35 gue bkal hidup bahagia, punya rumah kecil lucu di pinggiran Jakarta, bareng suami (yang gue pikir adalah  my abusive boyfriend kala itu), punya dua anak cowok dan cewek, masih cakep – makin matang dan masih langsing, dan jadi penulis novel terkenal yang bijak dan dewasa.

But look at me now

Im 35, fat short and ugly like a short ogre, have been in so many complicated and frustrating relationship since i was 22, have a mediocre job with mediocre income, im miles away from becoming a writer, and got no cute lovely home at the suburb.

And guess what, i still dont know what to do with my  life, and got no clues or whatsoever on what i should do 90% of the times when dealing with problems. Boro – boro bijak dan dewasa, i cant even control my impulse and sex drive

Oh well, but like they said, pada intinya gada yang tahu apa yang sedang mereka lakukan juga. Growing up is just deciding everything based on your guts and hoping your decision will not lead you to disaster

and im a queen of disaster, so you could imagine how many bad decision i have made lah

Toh yang penting i have my two beautiful daughters whom i love very much and heiii I work in sudirman area now hahahahaa *like it matters aje kerja di sudirman :/

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