Archive for January, 2017

revealing

Posted in Uncategorized on January 31, 2017 by enybodyhome

Ada bait dari salah satu karangan Sylvia Plath, yang gue suka banget. “After all, We are nothing more or less than what we choose to reveal..”

Orang melihat kita, mengenal kita, menilai kita, menganggap kita berdasarkan apa yang kita tunjukkan ke mereka. Apa yang mereka pikir, apa yang mereka lihat, apa  yang mereka kenal, apa yang mereka nilai, dan apa yang kita anggap dari kita, hanyalah bagian dari diri kita yang kita perlihatkan

Makanya suka heran sendiri, kalau ada orang yang dengan mudahnya menilai, menganggap, dan seolah – olah tahu segala hal tentang kita hanya berdasarkan informasi yang sedikit itu.

Tahu apa orang lain tentang diri kita sebenarnya, kalau yang kita tunjukkan hanya sebagian kecil, atau bahkan mungkin hanya topeng belaka

Tahu apa orang lain tentang ‘skeleton in our closets’, saat yang kita perlihatkan sehari – hari hanya sisi yang ingin kita perlihatkan?

Tahu apa orang lain tentang seberapa dalam gunung es, kalau yang mereka lihat bisa jadi cuma the top of the iceberg

Tapi kemudian apakah salah bila orang menilai, menganggap, dan berpikir sesuai dengan apa yang diperlihatkan? Why would you hide yourself and reveal only what you want to reveal then? Why dont you show it all to the world?

Jawabannya mungkin karena because ga pernah never..

 

 

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sinting

Posted in Uncategorized on January 25, 2017 by enybodyhome

This is by far one of the worst PMS ive ever experienced in my life. Segalanya kacau balau, campur aduk, ga jelas, dan ga ada arahnya mau apa

Dimulai dari sisi yang paling nyebelin. Seks. Gila gue kayaknya dibuatnya. Otak ga bisa jauh dari mikirin tentang seks. Kayaknya ngeliat tiang di pinggir jalan aja bisa bikin gue horny parah. Denger lagu bon jovi yang biasanya melo melo romantis gitu aja, gue malah  mikirin sex. Tiap malam uring Рuringan, ga bisa tidur. Kalau mau pake istilah emak gue, you could say that ive been gemerangsangan all the time.

I do ‘selfie’, but does it help?

Nope, not at all.

Gue sih ga heran, kalo saat ini ada Judika atau Michael Fassbender depan muka gue, i could rape them over and over, bolak balik, dan asal – asalan.. Persis kaya orang bikin martabak telor

Terus selanjutnya, dari my middle name. Eny “GALAU” Yudianti. Entah kenapa segala hal bikin gue galau, dan tololnya for every different reason. One minute gue galau gegara si itu, the other time gue bisa mewek gegara mikirin si anu. One minute dengerin lagu nya Dewa bikin gue inget yang nyanyi lagu Dewa (no, bukan ahmad dhani),dan the other minute gue galau dengerin orang yang nyanyi lagu elton John (and no bukan Elton John -nya juga). Satu saat gue mewek tersedu – sedu mikirin lagu MLTR, terus selanjutnya gue ketawa terharu dengerin Butterfly nya Crazy Town. Not to mention gue jadi bego ngegalauin syair Air Supply yang jadi Making Love sampe dol itu..

Ya ampun, En. Kacau banget hiduplo. Berantakan abis. Persis kaya puing2 kapal titanic di eslandia sana. Even that, masih lebih baik dan lebih agung dari pada hidup lo.

Dua hari lagi umur lo 35 tahun, tapi kelakuanlo dah kaya ABG umur 15 tahun. Malu atuh sama path friends lo yang anteng2 aja tapi terpaksa liatin post lo yang kaya tukang getuk lindri, yang isinya sampah nowlistening lo. Not to mention sampah status lu yang ga jelas dan ga ada gunanya itu —–> yep this is me trying to give some sense into my own self

So…

Does the prep talk works for me? Nope, gue masi sinting dan psikopat seperti biasa dan seperti sebelumnya

 

My madness

Posted in Uncategorized on January 23, 2017 by enybodyhome

Around two years ago, someone told me that my life had always been in repeating mode. That was because id never learned from my mistake, he said. Because unlike other girls, i was reckless, wild, and could not be tamed. I did what i wanted to do, without considering the risks, the dangers, and what bad causes might have inflicted me.

That person now has gone. Out of the picture, and ive never met him again. Today, two years ago was exactly the last time i met him. However, i still keep so many dialogues, lines, sentences, and things he said to me.

And one of them is the above.

He was saying the truth..

I keep repeating my mistake without learning. I keep falling to the same hole. I keep crashing myself to the wall.

But why..?

I dont understand.

 Probably because if i were some kind of engine, there were too many broken parts inside of me. Probably those broken parts are unrepairable. Not even by the hands of a master.

Or probably because the engine itself is exhausted. It just coudnt be functioned properly anymore

2016 was over

Posted in Uncategorized on January 18, 2017 by enybodyhome

Sudah pertengahan January 2017, gue lupa ngelanjutin tradisi2 gue di tahun sebelumnya, to write that gratitude list stiap akhir tahun.

Mungkin karena tahun 2016 ga seberat tahun 2015? Atau gue merasa gada yang perlu disukuri? Atau karena ga banyak hal yang terjadi di tahun 2016?

WRONG

Gue cuma lagi males ngeblog, itu aja sih. You know me, moods come and go, and this year, no mood for blogging..

So, what are you grateful for the year 2016, Eny?

  1. My adorable daughters, they are healthy, smart, good, and grow up to be the most amazing daughters ive ever hoped for. There is nothing could replace my love for them, and im grateful for being given the chance to have such kind of love.
  2. My mom is in great health, i still rely on her so much for everything happens in my life. Although there were times when things get hard between me and her, she is always be my guardian angel, in her own way
  3. Ive got to visit my dad di Tegal. Seeing him smile and got closed to him again gave such beautiful feeling
  4. everyone i love, everyone i care about, have been healthy, in good condition, and are still with me. I dont think i could live my life without them either. Thank you to all of you, my beloved ones
  5. Ga terasa dah setahun lebih bertahan kerja di sini. Never though i could survive that long. Hehhehehee perut lebih kuat dari perasaan kan?
  6. Kuliah is okay. Although ngalamin kemunduran banget di semester yang baru berakhir ini. Gue males – malesan banget kuliah, dan asli ga punya mood buat masuk kelas atau ngerjain tugas. I guess straight A wont be in my hand again now. Thats okay though, at least i pass it
  7. Akhir tahun sebelum natal, ive had a surgery for 15 miom and 1 tumor inside my belly. Im glad it was over, and the process ran smooth. And i tell you one thing, i would never want to experience it again
  8. My birthday will be in a week or so, i guess i could say im grateful for all the blesses that God has given me, sampai seumur ini, dan mudah2an sampai ke umur2 yang akan datang

Apa lagi? i guess thats all, those 8 points have covered all the greatest things that happened to me within 2016

Semoga 2017 listnya bisa lebih baik lagi yes..