Archive for July, 2015

mental

Posted in Uncategorized on July 24, 2015 by enybodyhome

So bener kata dosen psikologi faal dulu, bahwa mental dan fisik itu berkaitan banget

Kelanjutan dari episode headache kemarin, akhirnya setelah MRI dan tes darah sebanyak 6 botol banyaknya, iya 6 botol sodara – sodara, akhirnya jelas sudah

Jadi dari hasil MRI, ketahuan dua hal. Hidung gue yang bengkok itu bener bener udah bikin sinus gue makin parah, dan ternyata ada penyumbatan pembuluh darah di otak, which is oddly, ternyata udah lama di otak gue

Keanehan nomor duanya adalah, dokternya ga ngerti kenapa bisa  tersumbat pembuluh darahnya, sementara kolesterol gue ok, gue ga hipertensi, gue ga diabet, dan gue juga ga obese (ini penting, alhamdulillah bener ternyata gue ga kegemukan)

Anyway, dari sini dokter minta gue konsult ke THT dan Neurolog

Oh iya,ternyata ada pengentalan darah juga, yang kalo didiemin lama lama bisa bikin jantung kesumbat, langkah untuk yang ini adalah minum pengencer darah

Setelah dr dokter umum, lalu gue bingung, mau ke THT atau Neurolog dulu. Secara ya, ternyata limit asuransi gue abis, dan ya Allah, mahal banget itu obat, lab dan dokternya.

Akhirnya karena gue sendiri masih dalam pengobatan sinus di THT rumah sakit yang beda, gue putusin ke Neurolog.

Dan lalu kata Pak DOkter neurolog, otak gue mengkerut, parah. Ini aneh banget (keanehan No.3), karena gue masih muda (dalam istilah dokter gue masih muda loh FYI), and harusnya otak gue kondisinya masih bagus. Kondisi otak seperti itu harusnya untuk orang yang sudah tua, dan therefore gue jadi beresiko ngalamin pikun sebelum waktunya. Which is aneh lagi karena again, kata Pak Dokter gue masih muda

Menurut Pak Dokternya juga, perihal penyempitan pembuluh darah, itu masi bisa diobatin, tapi dia justru paling concern sama otak mengkerut gue. So dia minta gue untuk test EEG

Lalu test EEG lah gue siang tadi (dan again, mahal buanget x_x)

Sempet deg – degan pas EEG tadi, karena harus ada berduaan di ruang EEG nya sama mas – mas operatornya. Inget kejadian terkutuk satu tahun lalu di ruang radiologi kan?*fuckin stupid asshole

Dan alhamdulillahnya, kalimat awal pas si Mas mas mau pasang kabel di kepala gue adalah “Mba, terakhir keramas kapan sih, rambutnya kasar banget?” Okay, so there is NO WAY dia bakal aneh aneh ke mbak mbak yang rambutnya kasar dan kusam kan? Gue aman berarti 😀

Anyway, grafik EEG nya keluar. And PARAH BANGET. Si Pak Dokter bilang, orang yang normal atau ga kuat, harusnya udah kejang – kejang atau jadi epilepsi dengan grafik kaya begitu. Dan dia bilang ini mental condition gue yang kacau, berarti. Akhirnya dikasih obat, yang buat gangguan bipolar dan benahin otak

hehehe, nyengir miris gue. Selain karena obat dan ongkosnya yang mahal, juga karena ternyata gue, in a way, is mentally sick 😦

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the Headache

Posted in Uncategorized on July 22, 2015 by enybodyhome

Sudah sejak tahun 2012, gue berkutat ama problem yang sama. Sakit kepala yang ampun ampunan

Sudah sejak tahun 2012 itu pula gue bolak balik ke dokter, dokter syaraf, mata, tht, gigi, dll

Semua yang tampaknya jadi problem gue perbaikin satu satu. Gigi rajin ditambal, kaca mata yang minusnya kurang, gue ganti, dan even terapi di THT karena gue kena sinus kronis ternyata.

Sinus gue udah mau sembuh, gigi udah lumayan, tinggal bikin gigi palsu satu, pasca gue cabut setahun lalu, dan mata juga mulai rutin pakai kaca mata

Tapi sakit kepala gue ga ilang – ilang. Bisa dibilang setiap hari gue makan panadol, aspirin, atau obat pusing lainnya seperti makan permen. Sometimes sehari sekali, sometimes sehari dua kali. Obat sakit kepala selalu jadi satu hal yang wajib gue bawa di tas ke mana pun gue pergi

Tapi belakangan sakitnya menggila. Butuh minum panadol sampai 4 kali sehari, tapi ga juga hilang sakit kepalanya

Terus tadi akhirnya karena udah ga tahan, gue ke dokter di rspp deket kantor. Dokternya nyaranin MRI lagi (yang kedua kali), dan complete blood test. Hasilnya belum keluar sih, tapi kata dokter, if anything turns out to be okay, then i have to be really consult with the psychiatrist, given the last diagnosis i got..

Sighh..

Post pending

Posted in Uncategorized on July 13, 2015 by enybodyhome

Here are some things to think about ahead of any appointment:

1)    Try to pinpoint what it is that makes you think you might have bipolar, rather than another diagnosis. Can you recall anything you have read/heard/seen that made you think, “wow, that’s just like me”? If it’s in a book, or is something you can print out, you could highlight the parts that particularly resonate with you.

2)    When did your symptoms first start? Can you see any sort of a pattern, stretching back over weeks, months, or years?

3)    What is the impact of your mood swings on your family, your relationships, or your work? Has anyone close to you commented on your moods and, if so, what were their concerns?

4)    Have you tried any self-help measures for your symptoms? Were they effective?

5)    What has made you decide to seek help now? Have things got worse lately? Has someone said something to spur you into action?

Found this on the website, will try to look up to it and answer tonight

Posted in Uncategorized on July 13, 2015 by enybodyhome

Makin ke sini gue makin ga tau gue mau apa

Bipolar

Posted in Uncategorized on July 12, 2015 by enybodyhome

So i was diagnosed as having tendency for bipolar disorder and major depression.
They ask me to consult with psichiatry for further medication.
The irony..

Im studying psychology but me myself is mentally ill.

Kayaknya bener kata mereka, sbagian besar mahasiswa psikologi sebenernya cuma sedang “berobat jalan”

Dan sekarang gue bingung, kudu beneran berobat.. Or just let it be?

feeling like trash?

Posted in my songs on July 8, 2015 by enybodyhome

How did it start?
Well, I don’t know.
I just feel the craving.
I see the flesh and it smells fresh.
And it’s just there for the taking.
These little girls they make me feel so god damn exhilarated.
I feel them up, I can’t give it up.
The pain that I’m just erasing.
I tell my lies and I despise.
Every second I’m with you.
So I run away and you still stay.
So what the fuck is with you.

Your feelings I can’t help but rape them.
I’m sorry I don’t feel the same.
My heart inside is constantly hating.
I’m sorry I just throw you away.

I don’t know why I’m so fucking cold?
I don’t know why it hurts me.
All I wanna do is get with you.
And make the pain go away.
Why do I have a conscience?
All it does is fuck with me.
Why do I have this torment?
All I want to do is fuck it away.

I tell my lies and I despise.
Every second I’m with you.
So I run away and you still stay.
So what the fuck is with you.

Your feelings I can’t help but rape them.
I’m sorry I don’t feel the same.
My heart inside is constantly hating.
I’m sorry I just throw you away.

I just throw you away.

Korn – Trash

the essence of silence

Posted in Uncategorized on July 7, 2015 by enybodyhome
Something is wrong
My strength has gone
Thoughts are corrupting my mind

I can see I perceive this ain’t me

Something so strong
My mood has swung
I can’t get it out of my head

I believe that my mind misleads me

(We confuse)
Is it a doubt you try to hide
(Tangle and abuse)
Just have an open look inside
(We appear)
It’s just a dreary memory stuck in your mind
(Memory stuck in your mind)

Retrieve your balance
Use your senses to observe
(The essence of silence)
Search for essence
Find the silence within you
(The essence is…)

You’re searching and bursting
There seems to be no cure
When tension endures
Delusions corrupting my mind

There seems to be no way
When light fades to grey
To get them all out my head

Make a start
Explore your heart

When a persistent memory
Penetrates deep in your mind
Allow the silence to destroy
Your thoughts in every kind