I woke before it got light..

Kata orang, jangan tertawa berlebihan, jangan menangis berlebihan. Saat sedang sedih jangan terlalu sedih,juga sebaliknya saat sedang  bahagia

 

Beberapa waktu lalu, one of the most beautiful moment happened in my life. Thing that I thought would never happened again for the rest of my life. I was so happy. Bahagia. Luar biasa. Berlebihan.

Gue sampai ga bisa tidur tiap malam. You know kan, hal-hal yang bikin orang ga bisa tidur, selain banyak masalah, banyak nyamuk, dan ga punya duit, udah pasti karena terlalu bersemangat.

Yeah, I was kinda too excited too,  for that thing that just happened.

It was not a new thing actually, it was old thing, but renewed, and probably improved.

I said improved, because this time, (or that time, karena sudah lewat), as it had been promised, I would not be dissappointed. I would not be let down, I would not be broken (again.., as the last time)

SO  there I was, feeling like I finally had found my path, my way back home..

Ada sedikit ketakutan sih kala itu, that it couldn’t be true, some thing was wrong, I thought. Because in my mind, I was not supposed to be that happy. I was not destined to be that happy.

That happy was just not my middle name, somehow my sense told me that.

But the other part of me, and the happiness itself, had made me convinced, that I COULD be that happy, and that there was nothing to be worried about. Cause everything was just sooooo fiiiineeee… (That was she said,kalau kata Michael Scott mah)

 

BUT Then.. I think I jinxed it..

Exactly 11 days after that day, exactly the same day as last year, It happens..

I am dissapointed,  i am being let down, i am being broken..

To be honest, i dont know what to do, what to feel,what to react.

However, Its not everyday, ramalan lo jadi kenyataan kan.

And ramalan gue yang ini jadi nyata,and bodohnya I’ve been ignoring it.

Am not gonna blame anyone, and if there is, ya cuma gue. Gue aja yang patut disalahin. Untuk kebodohan gue yang udah merusak semuanya, dan juga untuk kebodohan gue untuk percaya dan kasih kesempatan ke diri gue.

Hancur? Yaiyalah. Sedih? Banget. Kecewa? Lumayan. Nangis? I try hard to not to..

Tapi ya kembali lagi ke awal, harusnya gue emang ga boleh terlalu bahagia. Jadi pas waktunya datang untuk sedih, guepun ga akan terlalu kaget. Yah lalu begitu deh, guenya terlalu bahagia, jadi sekarang lumayan kaget. Banget.. Oh Well..

Anyway, the only thing i could do now, is trying hard to pull my self back altogether, and wake myself up. Toh lagi, kata orang, semuanya pinjaman kan, terserah aja kalau yang punya mau ambil lagi. Termasuk kebahagiaan.

 

home is where the heart is

home is where the heart is

 

 

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One Response to “I woke before it got light..”

  1. I wish I could read all the language here and understand your pain. You have an attractive blog.

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