Archive for March, 2014

Midnight drama

Posted in Uncategorized on March 21, 2014 by enybodyhome

Tahun 1993 -1996… Pertama kali naksir cowok. Pertama kali patah hati, karena cowoknya ga pernah naksir balik.. Every school days seemed like a hell for seeing him with other guls but also heaven for just being able to see him
1997 – 2000
This year, the first time i said yes to a boy, and decided to have a special relation with a boy
And later at the same year i found out that he had a fiancee and chose her over me. Broke my heart into pieces. He was one of the not so many persons who were connected with me

2001 – 2007 . Being cheated and lied so many times. Physically tortured me , and mentally degraded me, this boyfriend i had since college, totally thaught me to be strong and never looked back when i left him

2007 – 2014
The marriage is officially over. No divorce paper yet, but by him officially asking permit to see and be with other gul, it is officially over, i guess
For credit, it has never been his fault, as i am the one who causes this

Between 2008 – 2014, ive been stabbed and hurted by other things also..

Not once, but for so many times by the people i love, and trust.. Terribly wounded that i often thaught i was never gonna make it

But im here. Live and loud. The heart is still functioned although its been terribly torned apart for so many times..

And that is only to show i am a strong woman. And no matter how many times and how many people put scars on them, i will live and survive

By God’s willing. Amiin

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Mind me.. Im just blabbering #2

Posted in Uncategorized on March 19, 2014 by enybodyhome

Yang namanya hidup, pasti ga bakal luput dari yg namanya kekecewaan
Disappointments over the unfulfilled expectation over someone or something, dissappointments over people who leave you or people who can not keep their promises, or even disappointments over our ownself. For keep choosing the wrong paths, or choices

And today, is one of the days when i had too many disappointments over too many things..

Rasanya? Nyebelin..
Kecewa terhadap diri sendiri yang ga bisa fokus dan terus kedistract oleh hal2 ga penting. Kecewa terhadap (calon mantan) suami yang sibuk menggunakan kata2 berbunga2 cuma untuk meminta ijin to have relation with other gul, kecewa terhadap sahabat dekat yang tampaknya selalu ingin menjadi orang paling benar di sepanjang hubungannya sama gue, dan sekali lagi kecewa terhadap diri sendiri yang selalu dan selalu jatuh ke dalam lubang yang sama..

Tapi lalu a thought comes accross my mind. Semua kekecewaan ini ( agak terlalu over dramatic ga sih gue pake kata kekecewaan ini?), again semua kekecewaan ini emang awalnya dan penyebabnya gue sendiri kan.

Ardy dengan orang lain, tentu aja penyebabnya gue sendiri. Teman yang selalu mau menang, mungkin karena memang gue yang bikin dia jadi begitu. Dan gue selalu jatuh ke lubang yang sama, jelas banget emang gue sendiri penyebabnya

Jadi harusnya gue ga boleh menyalahkan mereka untuk segala hal tersebut atau apalagi kecewa ama mereka. Its just what is meant to be. Its just hubungan sebab akibat. Its just, karma..

Tapi ya…Lama lama capek juga sih
Berhubungan dengan sesama manusia ternyata ga semudah yang dibayangkan. Too many exhausting conflicts

Mungkin emang udah waktunya gue paksa diri sendiri menjauhi semua konflik yang bikin stress itu .. (meaning = menjauhi semua umat manusia)

Oh well i might be over dramaticize things now, but whatever it is, im glad i still have two little humans at home who would never disappoint me no matter what.

Forget it

Posted in crazy theory, daydreaming on March 18, 2014 by enybodyhome

What would you do when you want something so bad, so very bad,but you just couldnt..?

 

Nope, let me revise my question, “What would you do when you something so bad, so very bad, but it is forbidden, and you know you’ll get trouble if you re getting it..?”

To be honest, gue sering banget ngalamin situasi di atas. More than a couple times. Hundreds, or even thousands time perhaps. And the answer to that, is usually “Let me just follow my heart”, which will eventually leads to.. yes, big troubles

I have always been a bad girl. My mom didnt realize this until i reach my teenager. I don’t follow rules and regulation, i dont like norms, i am a rebel.

terus kenapa deh gue nulis begini?

Gak tau. Beneran gak tau.

Tapi kalo sudah tua begini, sudah 32 tahun,masih ga mau ngikutin peraturan, norma, atau larangan yang berlaku, apa namanya bukan tolol ya?

I mean, apa masih ada sanggup hadepin kalo something goes wrong? Apa masih punya tenaga untuk fix every bad effects yang biasanya timbul akibat dari ga follow rules and regulation? Apa masih berani bertanggung jawab..?

Kalau sudah tua begini, jawaban untuk pertanyaan di atas, yang paling tepat dan dewasa mungkin, “Forget it, and let it go..”

Ga usah dipikirin lagi, ga usah diomongin lagi, ga usah diingin -ingini lagi..

 

Just forget it, forget it and forget it..

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