Worst in the world

Pagi ini gue nangis. Ampe sesenggukan. The first that kind of cry i ve made in this year. Gara2nya maybe sepele, maybe not. I just feel like a fail mother. Not fail because my daughters turn into some kind of monsters criminal or stuff. But because i feel like i can not make them loving me…

Belakangan ini, lolop sama ila selalu berebutan ayahnya. Even in bed time, they are fighting on their sleeping side. All of them want to be in daddy’side of bed. Noone wants to be in mommy’side..
I realize children are sincere and innocent. And their daddy is a great dad. It is no wonder both love him so much and always want to be with him
And it hurts me. I feel like a fail person, i cant make my own daughters love me. I feel like im a monster that none of them want to be with me. And as a mother, that kind of feeling is the worst and saddest thing in the world
I realize parenting is not a competition. Its not about who wins the more love between daddy and mommy. Its about taking care and loving each other endlessly and without hoping anything in return. And i also realize that true love is still loving even though the ones you love are ignoring you
I realize it all. Im loving my daughters wholeheartedly, and expect nothing in return.
But my friend, seeing their daddy is showered by their love while i am being here as the outcast, leaves a very sad feeling inside here..

Oh well, whatever it is, i know i love them so much and hopefully this thing is only the effect of my mad PMS

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