Archive for August, 2012

Karma

Posted in Uncategorized on August 21, 2012 by enybodyhome

Karma itu datangnya emang ga diduga. Di waktu yang ga kita kira. Dan dari pihak yang kita ga sangka.
Jadi kalau dulu, di satu waktu dalam hidup gue, gue membuat hidup orang miserable. Ngelukain hatinya dalam – dalam. Dan berlenggang penuh suka di atas lukanya. Ya wajar aja sih kalo lalu di kehidupan gue yang sekarang, orang lain melakukan hal yang sama ke gue.
I believe karma is attacking me then
In his unbearable painful way

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Maaf lahir batin

Posted in Uncategorized on August 18, 2012 by enybodyhome

Malam takbiran ke 30 selama gue hidup. Seperti biasa takbir menggema di mana2.
Sudah 3 tahun kayaknya gue ga pernah sholat ied. Biasanya karena pas lagi dapet. Kecuali tahun kemarin, itu total karena kesiangan.
Kadang gue mikirnya, mungkin Tuhan ga mau gue kembali fitrah, dah kebanyakan dosanya. Hell gimana bisa kembali fitrah juga, puasa aja kalh mulu hehehe

Kata orang lebaran itu waktu bermaaf2an. But i personally think that salah terbesar gue justru ke Tuhan
Bukan ke manusia. Ratusan janji yang ga ditepati. Ribuan aturan yang dilanggar. Dan puluhan komitmen yang ga ditekuni.
Kalau sampai sekarang Tuhan masih memaafkan gue, then He must have a very lind heart
Well, infact, dia emang maha memaafkan kan
Mungkin salah satu janji dan aturan yg gue dah langgar adalah pernikahan.
Banyak point2 di sana yang gue ga tepati. I dont know
Maybe i should check the buku nikah sekali lagi.

Something’s very dark

Posted in Uncategorized on August 1, 2012 by enybodyhome

Theres something really dark inside of me.
In the very corner of me. In the very bottom of me.
A dark hole that fills with emptyness, rage, anger, jealousy, envy, dissatisfaction, and hatered.
I really dont know where these all come from, i dont know how they accumulate into a big giant of darkness inside of my heart.
Maybe from all the pains ive been dealing in my whole life
Maybe for all the endless struggles ive made since i was child
Maybe because all the let-down and dissapointments ive had to face all these times
And maybe it is just the sum of all the unfairness or unhappiness that life has given me.
No, it is not what life has given me. But its what i have given to life. We shouldnt blame life for anything that happens out our own foolishness, shouldn’t we?

I dont know. I just think this darkness inside of me, is the thing i should get rid of. Especially because i am responsible for the happiness of people around me. People i care about.
I dont know how.
But maybe one of the way is by stop fooling myself, and start looking for the answer inside.
Lets hope i will still find a glimpse of light or silver lining inside this very dark heart